I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Green mimosas i think yes
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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