We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
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The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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