community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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