and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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