Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize