omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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