Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
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She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
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Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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