I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
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There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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