i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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