dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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