Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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