I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize