i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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