We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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