he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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