Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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