I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize