Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize