I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I still have a little drunk in my system
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize