I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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