a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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