My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize