im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
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All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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