I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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