My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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