my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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