When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize