this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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