We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
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I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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