i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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