i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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