Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i will never coherently bang her
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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