things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize