Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
