He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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