I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
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Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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