The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I touched a dick in church today
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize