all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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