is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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