I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
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It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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