We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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