So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
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