the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize