My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize