Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Shame - the story of my life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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