but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize