I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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