My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
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when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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