When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
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I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
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Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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