Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
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and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
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You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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